What’s a chapter of your life you’d title “The Hard Years” — and what got you through it?
I spent a good chunk of my life slathering on layers of me that I thought everyone else expected. Do this, be that, don’t say etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.
When I really look back at that me, my first impulse is to make a face (not a good one) and push her away.
But that would be doing the same thing that everyone else did.
I was an angry young person. Or so I thought. I don’t really believe it was anger any more. I believe it was sadness, piled on top of loneliness and insecurity.
I truly believed I wasn’t worthy of all the good things. So I sabotaged anything that might actually work out in my favor to stay in “the safe zone”. I set me up to not succeed.
Sounds pretty cruddy, yeah?
I’m sure it also resonates with some people.
If it does, believe that you do deserve the good stuff. I promise.
What did I do to finally break out of that downward spiral of thinking? Oh man….
In the end, it was a lot of soul searching. I cried a lot. I raged a lot. I screamed a good amount. And I’m sure the neighbors think I’m a little crazy. Might be. Ha!
I had to get back in touch with my 12 year old me, and tell her (many times) that she was OK. She was loved. She was safe. She wasn’t going to be abandoned. Ever.
I said those things over and over, until I believe them. And I still have to remind myself.
I don’t need it every day, but some days.
No, we can’t live in the past, but we can reconcile with it, at least a little bit. 💜
Julie M Anderson 